Click for "Virginity" before reading "After Effect" I hope to find a way of keeping this short. It's intensely personal. It's not intended to be erotic so don't read it with sex in mind. Try instead to understand the significance of the story, within my love and sex lives. In life I've learned that loss of virginity was no big deal for most people. Many don't even recall... which early event was their first. The reason is clear. They had the wrong partner. My girl would have set a tone that started them on a lifelong sexual adventure.
The story of my coming-of-age is the story of a girl's fantasy fulfilled and her impact on me. This is a continuation, one after effect of her story. I mentioned it often in my journals and today is no different, except that I'm writing the story of this after effect instead of the emotions of it. Go away now if you're a prude. This telling will require a bit of graphic detail.
I believe my memory is unusual. I have thousands of vivid memories that include all aspects of the event. From wind to emotion to random thoughts which crossed my mind during the event, plus all the physical senses. I relive those events when they're remembered. Discussing the nature of memory has mostly resulted in blank stares of misunderstanding.
Each of three moments in time are deeply ingrained upon my brain. That girl at the lake touched me in ways common in sex, yet the first time for me. As vivid as the original event in the forest... the sensations, emotions, thoughts and surroundings of those three moments have been with me since I was only thirteen years old.
Petite, yet she towered above as I lay naked on my back on a blanket under tall pines. Bent over, she removed something from her blue jeans in the pile of clothes on the blanket. Kneeling over me, legs on either side of mine, she said "I hope I don't break it. I practiced on cucumbers." She tossed the condom package to the ground, beginning this brief intense memory by gently standing me vertical. Each step in the process of applying the condom was another wild experience of the nerves involved.
The second of three intense events was the moment of penetration. Still reeling from the condom, both hands again stood me vertical as she sat down on me. Pressed against me, fully inside her she smiled and said "We're not virgins anymore." Those words, her voice, is a recording that often plays in my mind when I hear the word "virgin." Matters not the context. It can be a story on the news about the Virgin Islands.
Ten minutes later the third event was the second penetration. I was on top, both her hands were used, she smiled and wiggled beneath me.Enough introduction to this "after effect."
My second and third and many more... involved a condom applied by the girl. Each time I... do I call it hallucination? So realistic it's hard to call it anything else. My whole life, for the brief moment as the woman applies a condom I relive my girl at the lake. For several seconds I am in the forest with her. It was a shock at first, but soon became a wonderful part of sex which I cherish. The same is true for moments of penetration, if they occur in a manner similar to the first. The hallucinations end with the words "We're not virgins anymore." Seems she made a lasting impression on me.
There was also an unhappy result of this after effect. There was a problem when I fell in love. I hated thinking of someone else when I was with my first love. She was far more than sex and not taken lightly. I learned ways of preventing her from triggering those hallucinations. I never let her apply a condom or use hands to guide penetration. It was a minor distraction while making love with her, but absolutely needed. Tamara Jo, I love you as much as ever I loved you, for all my life.
The next phase of this was four years of slutyness where I did all I could to create those moments of hallucination. It ended on finding love again. Two women and one mind between us, I could keep no secrets. They quickly noticed that I was preventing certain behavior. I had to explain and they were excited at the prospect of it being part of our love life. For twelve years they giggled whenever successful, when they felt they'd created those hallucinations. They've been gone since 1995 and every woman since has been visited by hallucinations, not only of the girl from the lake, but also my first two wives. BB, you are missed and loved beyond belief.
