Gary Rinsem

Jamie's Poo Pool
Kazoo to you!

I heard screaming and yelling from the end of the driveway. It became louder and clearer as I approached the entryway, but exploded when the front door opened. I became excited wondering what the noise was about. I rushed toward the source. Both bathroom doors were open as I examined the scene. My little brother Jamie was on the toilet, pants and panties around his ankles, struggling with our father holding him there. I noticed a brown glaze on the floor. Our mother's hand was reaching below him, into the toilet. Jamie was screaming and crying in terror with both parents barking instructions. Laughing too hard to stand without support from the door jam, I watched a moment and remembered... he swallowed a Cracker Jack toy a few days prior. It wanted out! Screaming continued from all three until our mother yelled "got it!" Jamie broke dad's hold and stumbled out the other door, spraying brown glaze across the floor. Panties around ankles still, he glazed the laundry room and stumbled more, right out the patio door. Stumbling still I saw as he flopped headfirst into the swimming pool. Unwilling to slip and slide through the freshly glazed laundry room, I rushed the long way out the other patio door... just in time for dad to order "Jump in and get him." No, I said "not with all that poop in there!" Screaming and unable to swim with pants and panties around his ankles, Jamie's plight was very real while the brown cloud in the water kept expanding. Dad made several motions, as if about to jump in. From his knees, hanging off the patio roof post, dad pulled Jamie to the side. Hanging on the side of the pool, screaming and crying Jamie turned the deep end the color of weak tea. Dad and I noticed mom standing there while he asked what it was. Mom replied "It's a kazoo!" My laughter compounded ten fold until a thought dawned on me; bathroom, laundry room and green patio AstroTurf were all very brown. Laughing uncontrollably, I ran through the house, out the front door and down the driveway, up the street and round the corner before stopping to walk. Several hours laughing in the park was surely enough to be free from cleaning up the glazing. Each year I celebrate this memory on January 28, National Kazoo Day. It was years before I got in that pool again.