Gary Rinsem


I was 15 years old and beginning sophomore year of high school. This was a rare journal for the time because it wasn't about sex. Reading it in 2021, it's far more rare now since it looks like it's never been edited. BB would have taken some liberty with my words as they transcribed it, but only to fix grammar and syntax, or lessen anything they saw as crude.

1975 Today I realized something about myself. I think it's important, I think it tells a lot about me. I don't want to lose it so I'm taking the time to write it down. I spent all of 2nd grade thinking about intelligence. By the end of the year I wondered if anyone else thought about it like I did. Stuck in my own mind, I couldn't talk about it because I didn't even know what it was called and nobody listens to a baby in 2nd grade. That was nine years ago and I have been studying intelligence all this time. Today I realize that intelligence was just the start. In a couple years I was also concentrating on sociology, philosophy, theology and logic and knowledge. (didn't know I was studying epistemology) My mind is always using what I know about these subjects. Everything that happens I see it happening inside these subjects. I can't see things the way other people do, with no understanding of the big picture. A report on the news is just a news report to most people. I know. I test people all the time to see what they see. I see the report and apply all my knowledge to the event. I immediately see all the causes and the effects. Most other people can't even discuss or understand the other things involved. I know I'm a lot smarter than most people, but I don't know how to use it. Adults never understand, they just look at all kids and see the same dumb kid in everybody. I have teachers who don't do that. They are great. We talk about things that they say most adults can't discuss. Until today it was only my English teachers. Today Mr. Cady asked me to sit in the office with him. His aid teaches the class most of the time. We talked like adults for the whole class. I finally told him I knew he was testing me. He thought it was funny that I played a game with him the whole time. Today I realized I constantly study the world and my mind in ways most people can't see. They can't imagine my life, and now I know I'm not the only one. Mr. Cady showed me how to see when other people are like me. I will always test people in a different way now. Everything looks different to me now. I will finally get to talk to people like me. Are there any other kids like me? I don't know any.