Gary Rinsem

Boys Locker Room Theory

1973 to 2004
31 Years Of Sadness
I Doubt It Ever Ended

I'll call her Mary, very few real names here...

Written 1980 or 1981

I stopped to help a woman on the freeway and it turned out to be one of the girls I knew my first year in high school. Mary cried when she recognized me and said she knew I would be the type of man to help a woman change a tire. We went out a few times before she told me she was married. I only heard that because I hadn't slept with her and she wanted to know why not. I said it was because I didn't believe she was really divorced and I wanted honesty. If you're going to lie to me about your daily life then having sex with you is out of the question, you certainly won't ever let me know you.

(2004 note: Casual sex with a total stranger had already become a different thing to me than with a woman I knew. I didn't care if a stranger was married.)

Summer 1999

Mary called again, crying because even her second marriage was not happy. It only took her a minute to come right out and very graphically ask me to have an affair with her. The things she wanted to do sounded fine, but I didn't believe she was separated so I said no.

(2020 note: in 1999 I wrote that she called "again" because she'd been calling every few months for 12 years, since I was first listed in the phone book. We met over lunch many times and she was unhappy every time. Her last call was about 2012. The calls didn't taper off, just stopped abruptly. No doubt she died at that time, but I can't find anything about her on the internet. It would be too weird to contact her family and ask for information. I'll never be certain and that bugs me because I still care about her. We had a very casual sex relationship for less than two years in 1973 -75, and yet I still cry for her in 2020 after 45 years. I guess because I heard all her problems for 25 very troubled years, 1987 to 2012)

Mary admitted she wasn't really separated and that she couldn't leave her husband because she loved him. She said he seemed like a stranger to her. Life is too short to be unhappy and she was horribly alone even within her own home & family. I pointed out that she was far more lucky than most because most people don't know themselves well enough to understand their own problems. Most people don't understand that the problem is not just communication, it's the 'knowing' of another person. Mary at least understood this was her real problem. I got a few more calls in the following months always wanting to know how to make him understand that he doesn't talk to her. Mostly I just listened to her cry and beg me to tell her what to do. She kept telling me I was the only man she ever knew was listening when she talked. I finally told her BB's deep dark social engineering secret, the government sprays a chemical agent in the boys locker room. It prevents them from communicating, for life.

Late 2004

Once again she called. Sue answered the phone and got suspicious of a woman crying. Imagine that. I explained to Sue and hope she's actually as understanding as she appeared to be. It's been six months, Mary and I have talked numerous times on the phone and met at Denny's twice. Sue suspects Mary is the stalker, but there's no way. The stalker would never have the nerve to talk to me, she's too messed up. There's absolutely no way the stalker could meet for lunch or tell me her secrets, looking for a shoulder to cry on. If the stalker found the courage to do this, she'd stop stalking.

Dear Tami,

I so hope I'm wrong. I hope you're not the stalker. I want you to have a happy life.

All My Love, ALWAYS