Milk, Self-deceit The first journal below was written in March of 1973. I remember it well. I was in 8th grade. For me it was a revelation regarding "human nature." Since this event, milk has been a routine reminder of the human capacity for self-deception. 1973
When I was a little kid I didn't like Carnation milk. I still don't like it. It tastes bad. Today Mom showed me she's been trying to force me to like Carnation milk since I was a little kid. Like third grade when the teacher told me the devil was in me because I was left handed. She tried to force me to be right handed. She scared the other left handed kids. They pretended to be right handed. These people are stupid.
Last week Mom bought Carnation milk and I refused to drink it. She yelled at me. She said I couldn't tell the difference. She said all milk comes from cows and it's all the same. Today she came home from the store and gave me two glasses of milk to try. The first glass I smelled and put it down because I could smell Carnation. The second glass I drank as fast as I could and smilled and told her it was good. Mom lied. She said they were from the same bottle of milk. I looked in the fridge and only found Shamrock milk. I knew she was lying so I looked in the kitchen trash for the Carnation bottle. I found it in the outside trash can. It was only a small carton. I brought the carton in the house and showed it to her. This has been going on for at least six years and Mom still claims I can't tell the difference even after I passed her test. I proved I can tell the difference. Mom still said I can't tell the difference. Mom was yelling so loud and a long time so I snuck out of the house.
I left the house to write this journal at the park. I have been sitting here thinking about it for a few hours. This is an Epistemology problem. I have been studying it since I was little and now I know it has a name. People lie to themselves about everything. The lies are easy to see. The truth is obvious. If you study people you find the lies they tell. Just ask why they think something and you can tell that they know it's a lie, but they claim it is true anyway. All over people do things that are wrong and claim it's right because of a lie they tell themselves. They always get mad if you tell them it's not true. If you say it's a lie they get really mad. They still tell themselves the lie is true even when it's obvious it's not. 1975
I don't think churches ever say these things, people just demand the lies are true because the church manipulates the subject. Churches don't say people are not animals, they just make all sorts of stupid claims that contradict facts. My lab partner in biology is constantly saying that god and jesus do this or that. She is always trying to brainwash people with her stupid religion. I can't tell her she's full of shit because they spread the word and people everywhere start to abuse you. There are too many of these stupid people. She wanted us to date! No chance! I don't even want to be her lab partner. After today I bet the dating thing is gone from her mind and the teacher might change my lab partner if she blows up again.
Even though I hoped it might help, it was just for fun when I pointed out that she is an animal. For crying out loud! WE ARE IN BIOLOGY CLASS! The first time I said it she just ignored me. It took several times using different words, but she finally said "I'm not an animal." I OWN HER BRAIN! I'm laughing sitting at the park writing this. When it was over the teacher was standing there asking why she was yelling at me. Her answer just confused the teacher. She did't know why she was yelling at me! Every sentence had god or jesus in it. I can't stop laughing. I think I saw steam come out of her ears like a cartoon. I know exactly how to control their brains like a radio controlled model. Today she was a model airplane that I crashed hard. Next time she's a model boat, but I'll make her dive like a submarine! It would be better if things were not like this. It's not really fun doing this, but for a while it slows down their bible crap and it makes them feel less superior to everyone else. She'll soon learn not to push her shit on me and I don't have to admitt I'm not a christian religious nut job. Like this, it all comes down to her stupid brain with no admission from me that I'm not one of them. She has no idea what's going on and no idea what's coming her way. When it's over, all she'll know is that she hates me. She won't understand anything. 1983 Yes, you can put your mind at ease, in the Navy
I got through to Crissy today. You decided it's impossible, but I did it with the "you are an animal" ploy. Crissy fell for it. Within minutes I had her brain in such deep denial that she was yelling at me. BB, I was watching the snickering over there. You thought it wouldn't work. Today is the first day of Crissy's life! A new born babe. Today she began thinking. BB, don't just watch what happens next. You have to help this time. Even in the showers you have to pound on her brain to keep her thinking. Do like you saw me do. Say things that make her ask questions. She started thinking so it will work now, but we don't have much time before she goes back into oblivion. Even the tiny questions will keep her thinking. Just keep an eye out for the religion trap questions. They'll show her to be resisting. 2001 This has been going on a long time.
In the late 70s I realized Ralph was one of them, a giant denier of reality. I always knew Greg was. I've studied Ralph, Greg and their Dad and their grandfather. The conclusion is obvious. The grandfather is responsible for the middle eastern fundamentalist brainwashing of Ralph and Greg. The entire two years that Ralph and I lived together was a continuous stream of denial events.
I routinely brought women home for a hook-up. Time after time Ralph told himself it didn't happen. I was the biggest slut around yet Ralph only admitted the activity if he saw the woman admitt having sex with me. He called me a liar if he didn't see us naked in bed together. His brainwashing demands that he believes people don't have sex. Since he doesn't, nobody does. His christian brainwashing is so complete that he doesn't even recognize women as people. He hates women as much as he hates everyone else. Ralph and Greg can only see people as hate labels. They have hate chants for many groups of people, like women. Rami Nami Nutrogena Cunt Cream, Yeeaaassss! Or the "catlicker" chant for catholics. The word "Jew" can never be said without the word "bastards," as in "jew bastards"... it is a list only limited by the number of categories they can create for people. Solid christian brainwashing...
So... today Ralph and I went to Denny's. We sat in a booth where I had my back to the counter. I smelled that rancid stench of ketchup being poured out of bottles. It's unmisteakable. I told Ralph and he immediately denied it, like he always does when confronted with anything different than his life. I told him I could smell the ketchup from the waitress behind the counter pouring bottles together. Ralph denied it and claimed I was making shit up. I demanded it was true and pushed him to go look. I turned to watch as Ralph leaned over that counter and saw several open bottles of ketchup, just like I said she was doing... pouring them together. Back at our booth Ralph demanded I got lucky. He still demanded I couldn't possibly smell it.
A few years ago Ralph and I went to Jack In The Box. The woman handed my bag to Ralph and I yelled no as he pushed it at me. I had to keep refusing to accept the bag. If I took the bag he would drive away before I got the problem resolved. Ralph would not accept that I could smell all the stinky garbage they put on a burger, which I ordered without. The woman at the window got frustrated waiting for Ralph to take the second bag. She kept claiming it was what I ordered. Ralph kept claiming it was what I ordered. I demanded no... until the woman took the bag from Ralph and opened the burger. It was full of shit I would never consider eating. That crap stinks so bad the first taste would make me barf all over Ralph's truck. Of course that would never happen because the smell would keep it far from my mouth.
Like today, the Jack In The Box incident resulted in Ralph denying reality. He has constantly demanded that I can't smell what I have obviously proven I smelled. Every time it's proven, Ralph denies it and claims I got lucky while making looney claims. Ralph ALWAYS denies reality. He ALWAYS chooses to believe the truth is nothing more than someone else being looney. His denial is ALWAYS the truth. Greg is the same way, but with a more superior attitude than Ralph. Greg uses his denial to support his bleief that he is a good human while nearly everyone else who ever lived, is somehow not even human. I don't understand what goes on in their minds, but they somehow fail to acknowledge that other people are people. My guess is that over 30% of people are just like them. Another 50% of people are like this to varying degrees. I did the math. It leaves only 20% of people living in reality.
