Gary Rinsem

Tami's 35th Birthday

It's May 31, 2021. 25 years after writing this journal and I still feel the hurt.

It's 1996, Tami's 35th birthday, ten years to the day since I got out of the Navy and I'm siting in the park at sunset just as I was back then. I've lived all but the first year in the same house with the same phone number listed in the phone book. I can't believe she has never called just to hear my voice. We were far too close for her to have forgotten me. I finally realize she is dead. That girl, if she was alive and existed in the woman she's grown to be, would have called me at least once.

I think Tami got married three years ago. I hope she found someone and has been very happy with him but Tami always said she would never get married or have children. Those are the only two points in life of which she was positive. She always swore she would never get married and she would never have children. In 1976, a full 20 years ago right now, on her 15th birthday in the park at sunset, she told me for her 18th birthday present she wanted me to get her tubes tied. I think she had already looked into it and was told they wouldn't do it until she was 18. She thought we would still be together. That girl could not have gone so long without calling, she loved me as much as I love her.