Gary Rinsem

My Last Great Mistake

When I sent this letter I was very upset over the events that followed my first note to Tami. It was obvious the stalker was responsible for those events, but at the time it seemed to be proof that Tami was the stalker. It's ten years after the stalker died and I finally discovered who she was. I finally know that Tamara Jo is positively not the stalker. The stalker caused the catastrophic failure when I found Tami in 2004. If not for her, Tami and I may have even met each other. There is a chance that we could have become friends. Instead, it's been another 16 years with no contact from the I love of my life. I can't blame the stalker, her actions were the product of mental illness, but it's also hard to forgive her. Failing in my only hope of a connection with Tami, has devastated me for the last 16 years. Before then, I had hope for the future days when Tami and I might meet. After, the hope was gone forever.

Tamara Jo,

Sending the letter below was my last great mistake in life. I have lived with the result and it has been awful. With you, it seems I've made the wrong choice at every opportunity for over 40 years.

I STILL miss you, ALWAYS

All my love,
_____________ Tamara,

Let me start by promising I will never contact you again as long as I live. I just thought we had been an important part of each other's lives and after 25 years it seemed natural we would both want to know how the other person has lived their life, and what they've become. Apparently there's a problem I didn't anticipate.

I knew nothing of you since the last time you contacted me so I paid a reunion service to locate you. It was inconclusive but appeared as though your PO Box was likely to be the right person and likely to be current information. I sent the letter and included the pictures of our prom night to put a smile on your face and remind you of me. That's the result it would have if you sent me a letter like that.

I'm not certain how to word this to avoid a misunderstanding. Guess I just have to say it. I got a number of hang up phone calls after sending that letter. I dialed *69 to get the number and did a reverse phone look up on the internet. The number was listed as Crystal Bright Janitorial in Queen Creek. The address and phone number matched one of the addresses listed by the reunion service as a previous address for Tamara Hurford. That is why I'm sending this letter, because I'm confident I got in touch with you and that you called me. I waited a week in the hope that you would decide to call and talk. Since that didn't happen I wanted to explain. I thought a letter would be the best way.

Here's a bit about me because calling made me think there was at least a little interest in hearing from me. The shiny red truck helped that impression, assuming it was you.

I've been basically retired since 96. I've taken a couple short term jobs and did some consulting work for a while. Mostly I just do as I please. I learned in the Navy to be a free spirit and ever since 96 I've been able to spend my time doing whatever strikes me.

I'm about to sell the house in Scottsdale so I can spend all my time traveling. It bothered me to know that we would probably never hear from each other again since I haven't even decided where I might settle down in the future. I wanted you to know that I have been far more than just happy. The girl I knew in high school is part of the reason because she taught me the meaning of love. She helped me to grow as a person and my memories of her are positive. We're not the same people but I hope there is a bit of those kids in each of us. It would be very sad if not true.

I apologize if I've made you uncomfortable or caused any problems. That was not the result I expected from the girl I knew. I'll just assume I got the wrong impression or the girl known to me in high school is still around, just buried deep down someplace. I expected her to have done something special with her life and I wanted to hear about it. If I misunderstood then you can still feel free to call, but be sure to talk this time.