Grade "A" Navy Porn
by Gary Rinsem

“The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five.”
Carl Sagan

Your life is incomplete if you never experienced a breathing battleship. Battleships now only exist as the dead carcass of a museum. Much better would be the fate of normal ships, scrap metal or sunk as a training target.

What Happens
When A Battleship
Calls You On The Telephone...



Chantilly Lace...
The Big Bopper
defined the essence
of a battleship...



Chantilly lace and a pretty face
And a pony tail a-hangin' down
That wiggle in the walk
And giggle in the talk


  • OOH BABY!
    YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE








A found photo and the best porn anywhere on the internet. Two of the most massive battleships followed by the guided missile cruiser USS Long Beach (35 years later I recognized it immediately, even grainy in the background).

Three of the Navy's most prized teak deck warships... all nut to butt, no wake... ten knots or less? Notice the diff in the signal bridges! The ships can be identified using that info.

USS Long Beach in the background proves it's a 7th fleet photo. Only two of the four Iowa class BB's were in the seventh fleet. Look closely at those gun turrets and try to guess how big they are. I'll tell you a bit lower on this page.

First is USS New Jersey, it still has the original signal bridge verified in a 2021 photo. Nutted behind Jersey is the USS Missouri. A 2021 picture shows the odd signal bridge while pics from the 40's and 50's show the original. Also, the pic can be dated between May 1986 and February 1991, based on commissioned dates for the ships.

USS Wisconsin and USS Iowa also got the signal bridge modification, but never came near the 7th Fleet. USS New Jersey was first to be upgraded and returned to service in 1982. It didn't get the same upgrades to weapons and radar which required the new signal bridge.

Mystery solved in less time than it takes Dominos to deliver a pizza.





Notice the hatch in the center of the bridge? See how thick the steel is? That's armor to protect the bridge crew. 17" thick steel and it had no chance of saving you from a direct hit to the bridge from a big gun. Check out the hinge needed for the hatch/door. Armor is worthless on ships now because modern weapons can destroy the whole ship in one shot, from hundreds of miles away.

A special memory from the first time saw this bridge





Imagine... rapid firing those bullets for days straight at an enemy held island during WWII. The nose piece on the shells is a detonator. It makes me believe they were the version of those shells... with 500 lbs of high explosive inside. For a short time, the Iowa class battleships sailed with shells that contained nuclear weapons inside, defining insanity.




Click for a giant image in a new tab
Then click that image to zoom in


Look at the shockwave hitting the water as nine 16" guns fire at the same time. The water is about 50 feet below muzzle elevation. The fireball is 500 feet long and about 200 feet wide. At 887 feet and 52,000 tons, the entire ship was originally built as nothing more than a taxi for those guns.

Get ready to be surprised. The gun barrels are 66 feet long and wore out after a few hundred rounds. There was a yard full of barrels in the Philippines, left there since right after WWII. Each of the three 16" gun turrets needed 80 to 90 sailors to operate! They are the size of a seven story building, extending deep into the ship and spinning around to fire port or starboard.

The deck is cleared in the photo. The crew had to hide for safety before the guns fired. For some odd reason the ship is dead in the water. That's not needed to target and fire the guns.


Click for a giant image in a new tab
Then click that image to zoom in

THIS IS 1930'S TECHNOLOGY

Still in use in the 1990's for bizarre Reagan reasons.

Can you say "billions of dollars wasted?" Two billion on upgrades and clearing out the mothballs to recommission the four ships. Followed by about seven years operating cost, times four ships. At least four billion bucks, guessing as high as six... maybe more? Operating cost is pure uneducated guess, which I believe is a conservative estimate.

But NO! It's all the GODLESS COMMIE RUSKIES!

The best and most expensive porn ever.